The way to the top
Crossing the Ardeche and Vercors
October 14, 2024
Jigsaw pieces
December 13, 2024
Let's jump ahead in time for a few months. We have been living in our new home for four months now. We have not yet told the full story of how we got here. We went through a very tough period in which we both went very deep. During that period we tried to write down our story several times, but because of all the emotions we didn't succeed. Actually, we ourselves did not know where we stood, what we wanted, what we had to do. We saw no light. Now we are doing better, but we are not there yet. So we wrote down a kind of reflection of the four months. We are still working on the detailed version.
Thursday oktober 17th - Bakkesvea, Noorwegen
Climbing Mount Everest is a particularly difficult expedition that takes about fifty days. On the way to the summit there are six base camps: Basecamp, Interim camp, Advanced Basecamp, Camp 1, Camp 2 and Camp 3. The basecamps are designed to acclimate to the altitude and provide a safe place to stay. From the basecamps there are reconnaissance trips to the next basecamp to get used to the altitude. After the reconnaissance, the climbers descend back to the previous basecamp to recover. Only after forty days does a first summit attempt follow. Since June we have our own basecamp, but which basecamp are we actually in?
The search for a basecamp
In January 2022, we left on our bikes for Scandinavia. At the time, we didn't even know if we would end up in Sweden or Norway. In the end, we lingered in Lillehammer and looked for a basecamp there. For us, this means a place where we feel at home, where our gear is and from where we set out on an adventure. In that search, we made it anything but easy for ourselves. In the past two years, we changed places no less than ten times. We took care of houses houses with pets or rented a place for a short period of time. The shortest we lived somewhere was three weeks, the longest was five months. That often resulted in quite a lot of stress because sometimes we literally didn't know where we were going to go a few days before we were going to leave a place. We were mostly responsible for that turmoil ourselves. Searching for the place that was affordable and met all our needs took us from place to place.
"We needed less, something familiar and known, something we could build on."
Tethered
Last winter we found a beautiful cabin in the middle of the forest. Zoë was sold from the first moment and soon dreamed of more. Maybe the place to get married someday, or who knows children? It is very small, there was no running water and only an outside toilet, but it fulfilled a lot of wishes for a good adventurous start in Norway. Only the sun was missing and that was also an important doubt for her. However, much more important than the sun, what was missing was peace in Olivier's mind. Olivier started a steady job for a company in Oslo the day we moved into the cabin. This new balance, and especially the content of the job, unfortunately did not fit him, but we needed the income to get a mortgage. Olivier was full of frustrations and a lot of negative energy. He expressed these especially at our new place and the new life routine. Tethered to the laptop by the new work, the living room of our cabin became not only a living space, dining space and relaxation space, it also became his office loaded with negativity.
Especially since after closing one laptop, Olivier had to open the next one. WeLeaf is a business too, and in order to continue to work passionately on it and get income from it, the hours behind the laptop cannot be left behind. Olivier works from seven in the morning until 10 at night. The biggest drawback of this place, the sun, became his biggest irritation. Only one hour a day the sun shone on our house AND on the times when the sun shone, Olivier could not go outside because he had to work. He expressed his frustration with a lot of anger and harsh words: “this cold hole”, “I'm not happy here”, “I feel trapped here” and “I have to get out of here”. Olivier rejected the place completely, while Zoë had just found her dream place. Meanwhile, we made an agreement with the owner that we would be allowed to buy place in two years, but Olivier's negativity and stubbornness made Zoe hesitate. She pushed aside her own dream to find Olivier's happiness again. She pushed herself aside in hopes of getting Olivier back. A very alone feeling built up.
Choosing for the other person
In early April, we finally got a mortgage to buy a house. Our own business was completely ignored as income by the bank, so we had to opt for steady work. After we finally get a loan, Olivier feels a way out of the vicious cycle: steady work - loan - buy house. With the loan, we could buy a house and then not be required to have steady work. Olivier could quit his job and we would have a house. Zoë sensed the opportunity to find peace for us and get Olivier back. Zoë's eye fell on a beautiful house a long way from Lillehammer. We went looking and loved it. It is beautiful, but we made a big mistake. We didn't go through our choice process like we always do. Just when we don't find each other at all and don't understand each other, we both adapt completely out of love for the other. Zoë thought this would give Olivier the peace he needed. Olivier thought that Zoe had found the home that made her truly happy. We chose the other person, thought we were helping the other person by going for the house, and both of us pushed aside our gut feelings without knowing it from each other.
The single most important step in our weleaf choice process is to make the choice for ourselves first and foremost. Without first really checking with yourself what I want, you can never make a good choice, also not for the other person.
Step two in the process is that we share the choice with each other and explain why this feels right for “me.” Step three is that we make a choice together. By going through these steps, we listen carefully to ourselves, to each other, and can then make a good choice. We didn't do that, just now, on such a big and important choice. We should have taken more time, thought better, been patient. We didn't and we bought the house, quite suddenly. In Norway there is no turning back once your offer is accepted. The next morning came the regret, the panic, the chaos, the sadness. This house was anything but what we needed. Most of all, we didn't need another change, didn't need such a big challenge. We needed less, something familiar and known, something we could build on. Now we were moving one hour away from the place we had invested two years in. Above all, that meant starting over. Rebuilding, investing and energy all over again. The first 3 months we cried incredibly hard, were angry and could not find support with each other. They were by far our hardest months as a couple, but fortunately this was not our first major challenge. Very slowly we are finding each other again.
A stopover
Four months later, we can better accept that we live here. It's a beautiful place, super unique, with great views and lots of sun. We have a basecamp where our stuff is and from where we can go on adventures. It just doesn't feel like home. Even climbers sometimes have to stay in a basecamp for several days to acclimate. This basecamp is not our summit, but it is a stop on the way to the summit. Maybe we should descend back to camp at a lower altitude, maybe we should do scouting trips to the next basecamps. Is that a bad thing? Not at all, as long as we can also accept this basecamp and see it as a safe place to be. That works out better after living here for a few months, but there are better places on the mountain for us. The important thing is that we have found each other again and are going for it together. To reach the top, we always have to pass several basecamps. We've had quite a few basecamps over the past two years and we feel we are not that far from the summit. We just have to get used to the altitude sickness.
2 Comments
Wishing you both the very best on life’s journey. The basecamp analogy is appropriate and applies to many of us, though most of us don’t have as many. I love the quote: “A ship is safe while in the harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” You are likes ships on the open sea that need a safe harbor at times to refresh and restock. Be well.
Bill
Hi Bill,
Thank you so much for the beautiful words and analogy with ships. Very striking!